Today I was handed a copy of a free paper called The Examiner. I marvel at how bad this newspaper is. Maybe you think the Metro is a bad paper because it just reprints Reuters and really dumb letters. Imagine what it would be like if a newspaper actively tried to make you groan and feel pity for its readers once in every story. It would probably be something like this:
The first story I read was about how Americans find Cindy McCain more "likable" than Michelle Obama. To me this is absurd. When I read the story, the absurdity increased:
In February, the 44-year-old Obama sparked an uproar by asserting that “for the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country.” In March, she described America as “just downright mean.”
Cindy McCain fired back at the time by declaring: “I’m very proud of my country.”
So, given a choice between an honest and independent woman, and a Stepford wife... oh God, never mind. Let's go look at the op-ed page.
There is one article decrying Obama as a flip-flopper taking on conservative positions, and one claiming he is more tax-hungry than Denmark ("where excessive taxation has been a way of life for decades"... it sucks being the happiest nation in the world). But on the op-ed page, Meghan Cox Gurdon takes the cake:
A friend of mine gave his 11-year-old daughter a pair of sneakers the other day, thinking she’d be pleased. She was not. She became agitated when she saw the label and told him, “I can’t wear these, because of child labor!”
It took half an hour of Internet research for him to persuade the girl that her anxieties were unfounded, and that Nike did not enslave small children in remote foreign places.
What’s a pre-pubescent child doing, panicking about the industrial origins of her shoes?
American children ... ought to know that they are fantastically lucky to have a seat at the greatest banquet table in history ... They ought to be encouraged to look about the world with dash and optimism, not apologetic guilt for the footprint they’re leaving behind.
This is the most wrongheaded thing I have ever seen. I am going to pretend I did not read this.
Let's try the cinema review section... it can't be as bad as this, right?
'Family Guy': Funny but oh so wrong
Smart but subversive humor gives show broad appeal
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
This is... the worst newspaper in the world.
